Journal

I still have a need to write you. I tried, I tried to just hold it in but my heart is already overflowing…

But, now I know with absolute certainty that you aren't reading these.

So, what's the point?

It's still an outlet. I still feel far more than I have the ability to contain. I still need to release the pressure.

So… from here forward, I'm considering it a journal.

Sometimes, I might write as if I'm writing to you, just as I've been doing.

Sometimes, I might write a more traditional journal entry.

I don't know if I'll show these to you. Maybe. One day. When I know you can take it.

But, I'm going to let myself be free. Explore edges of this thing that I've shied away from before.

It hasn't all been roses.

But, I do love you. And my love for you is perfect. I have never lied about that, nor exaggerated or anything. The thorns aren't from you, nor from my love… they come from the situation. Most of the thorns come from the fact that we don't openly communicate about this.

When we finally can…

Well. No relationship is perfect. But ours could be close. Ours could be one of the closest. And as we open ourselves to each other, those thorns will pull away, soften. But for the moment, they are there, and they are awfully pointy. So from time to time, I'm going to write about them, try to soften them that way. And I won't delete them when I get self-conscious about it a few hours later, the trained response of hiding negative emotions kicking in. I need practice defeating that response, anyways.

I love you, ⭐️.

Yours,
♒️